Ask Kate

How long have you been releasing? 2 – 4 years

Question: After going through the Basic Course once again, I still don’t feel I have a grip on the concept of Want, especially around this sentence:
“In each moment we are either wanting or having, it is impossible to want and have at the same time.”

If I want a new car and then have a new car, I must still want the car, otherwise I would just go back to the dealer and sell it again  or I would just leave it at some parking lot, leave the keys inside and walk away.

Or if I am in control of my business, I still wanna be in control, otherwise I could just say “screw it all, the business is going bankrupt now, I don’t care anymore, bye bye!”.

Or if I am on a date, I still want to be on that date, otherwise I would just get up and leave.

With the laptop that I am writing this on- I have it, but I still want to have it, I don’t want to lose it or it to break, I still want the laptop, so I have and want at the same time.

It’s really hard for me to understand the meaning of “In each moment we are either wanting or having, it is impossible to want and have at the same time.”

Or is the wording just “outdated” from Lester’s time that I have the wrong concept of the words “want” and “have”? During the years of releasing, I have really started to question what that even means to want or to have something.

I would really like a bit clearer explanation of what’s going on inside when I’m wanting vs when I’m having so I know how to identify the 2 states. What’s going on in us (sensations + thoughts + mental pictures) when we are wanting versus what’s going on in us or what then changes when we are having.

Or is it just so simple that wanting is within – the mental picture and fantasy whereas having is the physical manifestation – I can actually use the laptop(having), rather than dream or fantasize about having a laptop(wanting)?
Then that would mean as long as I am on the date, I am having, but when I am just thinking and fantasizing about the date, I am wanting?

I hope these aren’t too many questions and someone finds the time to answer them, I am sure they would also be helpful to other beginners.


Hi there, R.!

See if this clears it up.  Keeping it simple here so complexity is nowhere near us.  😉

Want = lack.

So when you say you are wanting something, that indicates that you don’t have it – you lack it.

But control approval and security are so vague, how do I know about these if I have them or not?   

They have a feeling to them.  Though they are not feelings, they have a certain feeling to them.

So if you feel inside and it feels a bit pushy, chances are that it is wanting control and if it feels like, ‘gimme, gimme’ it is probably wanting approval or love.

I think we all know what wanting safety feels like – it is much like we are going to die – a deep, deep fear.  Existential fear.

Hey Kate,

I hope I am not annoying you with my questions…

However, there’s one thing I have been meaning to ask you about.

In some class recordings you ask “feel deep into that feeling, what is it wanting?” Or in another recording which I listened to today, a woman said “I can’t be safe if I have money” and you answered “Stop right there, that “I can’t be safe if I have money, what is it wanting?” So I am not asking what I am wanting, I as the observer, I as the awareness of thoughts and feeling, but what the feelings or thoughts want, what their specific purpose in that moment is?


Dear Robin,

I always love to hear from you. No annoyance at all….

Though they are YOUR thoughts and feelings, it helps sometimes to ask what they are wanting. It does feel that way, eh? As though they want something or are connected to the wanting control, approval or safety. Then you can Release it.

If we ask, “What are YOU wanting, it calls the ego, which usually says, “Oh I didn’t want anything!” 😉 So we ask the feeling or want, what it wants and it is less personal so the Releasing happens naturally and deeply, if you are feeling deeply into it.

I hope this is clear. I hadn’t thought of it in this way exactly before, so your question brought it forth. Let me know if another question comes.

Have a wonderful day and feel free to ask more questions.

In Love and Freedom,


Jim: When we release, like a fear-based thought-emotion (like about not having enough money to pay the bills or enjoy doing the things I want to do), does doing the release modify the underlying belief in any way? Or is the release just a temporary adjustment until the next time.

Kate: When we Release the emotion/thought we are holding, we change what the mind projects out into the world, to the degree we Release. If we no longer hold the limit, we are free of it. If we let go of 25% of it, then we are 25% free of it.

How long have you been releasing? Less than 1 year

Question: Hello Kate,

When you say one can optimise one’s releasing just by sitting 20 mins in silence. Whenever I tried doing so after releasing, my mind goes on throwing so many thoughts. I definitely try to release those thoughts but then another story starts engaging me. It seems like a neverending thing. There is no silence. To address this, can I focus on my breathing? Isn’t it a sort of censorship on my natural being. I am confused. Please advise.

Love and Peace,

Dear Nihar,

When I first began to sit in silence, my mind was very, very busy. It helped me to see just how busy it was. I sat quietly after Releasing for a while and eventually, the silence began to be more accessible. As I ignored the thoughts and focused on my own self, the silence, the thoughts began to drop away. I began to be aware of more and more of my Self, that endless silent me. After about a year, I could fall into silence almost immediately. It was bliss.

My teacher Robert Adams explained that it is like a friend who comes to visit and talks incessantly. As we sit smiling and do not respond, our friend talks less and less.

It is the same with the mind. So pay the mind and its thoughts no attention. Let the thoughts pass by as clouds do on a clear day. Let them come through and ignore them.

The more often you do this, the more you nourish and allow your own self, the silence of you, to grow and take over. The more it takes over, the less there is to let go.

You are being swept clean of the feelings, wants and programs by the silence.

And as we Release, we are also sweeping these feelings, wants and programs away. We are clearing with silence and also with Releasing. These two working together do the job much faster than either one alone.

You can focus on your breathing – that will lead you to your self. It is a little more direct to focus on your self. This is not censorship of your natural being; it is a turning toward your Being, your Self.


With much love,

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